Maggie's Centres  are fantastic places for anyone who is affected by cancer , be they a patient , a relative , or a friend . We in Glasgow are very lucky to have two centres , one based at The Western Infirmary and one at Gartnavel Hospital . To be honest , I was a bit dubious about going in as I felt I didn't really need them , but I am glad I did make the effort . I had a spare half hour between appointments for my oncologist , so decided to wander in and see what it was all about . There were a few people just sitting chatting over a cuppa , some were reading papers , some were on computers. A member of staff approached me and introduced themselves and asked if I wanted a cuppa . We sat down and had a chat and he told me of the different programmes that were on offer at Maggie's . I said I would have a think about it and get back to them . I did sign up for one session which I had heard about , "Look Good Feel Better" - a fantastic organisation which gives free advice and a free make-up demonstration to women undergoing chemo-they also provide you with a free bag of cosmetics and perfume to take home .
Maggie's also provided advice on returning to work , and actually ran a six week course entitled "Where Now? ".This is a quote from Maggie's website - "Where Now?: Finishing cancer treatment and getting on with life can be a challenge for people when hospital has become a regular part of life's routine. Where Now? is a course providing the tools to address the physical, emotional and practical needs that a person and their family may have have now that cancer treatment is over. During the six weekly sessions there is an opportunity to gain information, skills and resources to optimise your health in terms of exercise, nutrition, emotional and practical issues and medical management." They have full timetables at both their sites and are very useful .
I did eventually sign up for one of the courses and went along for six weeks . I met people there who had all been treated for various cancers and all had different stories to tell , but we all had a common bond in that we were living in limbo from one check-up to the next - nice to know you are not alone !
Talking of check-ups ( See ? This isn't just thrown together ! ) . After my course of chemo was complete , I received a date for my colonoscopy - great ! I had never had one before as I was treated as an emergency and there was no time for the finer things..
Anyway , I got the letter with all the instructions and the bowel prep - in my case it was a preparation called Klean Prep , very catchy name , very efficient product ! Had to go on a low residue diet three days before colonoscopy , then stick to fluids , only , for the next few days . Had to start taking the Klean Prep on the evening before my test - four litres of a vanilla - flavoured drink . I chose to take two litres in the evening and the rest in the morning as my scope was in the afternoon . As I said , it was a very efficient product and I took the advice which said , 'Don't stray too far from a toilet !" . My own advice , not to put too fine a point on it , would be - "Never trust a fart , because what you think is a fart might not be!" Sorry for being crude , but I believe in telling the truth !
On the day of my test , I finished the Klean Prep and continued to drink clear fluids - why is it that when you are told not to eat that that is the very time you fancy something nice!
My sister gave me a lift to the hospital and was advised to go home as I would be there for a few hours at least . After being checked in , my surgeon came to see me and said I was first on the list so wouldn't have to wait about too much . We discussed sedation and he said it was entirely up to me if I wanted it or not . I said I would rather do without it as I did not want to be dopey - I am dopey enough ! So , I had my colonoscopy without sedation . The surgeon said the procedure would not be as long as a standard colonoscopy because I had a lot of my bowel cut out . It was long enough , though ! The nurse explained that air would need to be injected in to the bowel to inflate it so that the surgeon could see the bowel - that was the uncomfortable part - felt like really bad colic . There was a screen above my head where I could watch all that was going on - quite fascinating to see the inside of your own bowel , and more exciting when you realise that it is all clear too ! I could see the anastamosis  , where the tumour had been removed , and it was lovely and clear ! The surgeon said that he was happy with the result and that I was free to go home straight away as I had had no sedation . My sister was just arriving home when I phoned her and asked her to come back for me as it was all over ! One thing I was advised though was that , as there had been a lot of air injected in to the bowel , it would need to come out again , and there was only one way that was going to happen ! To use an old Scottish expression - "Where ever you be , let your wind gang free , in church or chapel , let it rattle " , and rattle it did !!

Ho hum-How lazy I have become ! I had intended to keep this blog up to date on a regular basis , but sometimes life just takes over ! Since I have been asked by a few people what has happened , I had better try to update things . I am not going to list all my chemo days and treatments , because I am one of the lucky ones , in that I never had any horrendous side effects or problems along the way - I was prescribed twelve treatments and that is what I got . Towards the eighth treatment I was feeling the neuropathy really badly, so the doctor said he would reduce the dose slightly. I must admit that I felt if I was getting a reduced dose I would not be getting the full treatment , but the doc reassured me that I would still be getting a therapeutic dose . During my treatments , I managed to pop up to my work place to visit my buddies and colleagues - they were such a tremendous support when I was sick and it was lovely to see them all and get loads of hugs-very therapeutic!

My colleagues after the Race For Life in Glasgow 2012

Every year for the past five or six years , I have taken part in Race For Life in Glasgow , which is a wonderful and very moving experience . A whole lot of women , all shapes and sizes , and a sea of pink! I usually walk the course (I am built for comfort rather than speed ) anyway , it is not important how quickly you finish , it is the taking part that counts . This year I was fully intending to take part , but was dismayed when I couldn't manage it because of the chemo and neuropathy . I was annoyed because I had said I was not going to let this thing beat me . I was deeply moved when I heard that my colleagues were going to do the race , and was delighted when they raised in total well over two thousand pounds for Cancer Research UK . Thank you "Annie's' Stars!" I am so lucky to have such wonderful family and friends ! I fully intend to take part in it in 2013 - just try and stop me!

Carolyn on her graduation day - she is a clever girl!

I was also very touched by a get well card I received in May . The senders' address was Mark Trevorrow.... Now anyone who knows me will know that I am crazy fan of the Australian comedian Bob Downe , whose real name is Mark Trevorrow . I thought to myself  " What's going on here - am I imagining things?". My hero had sent me a get well card and written a lovely message inside , all the way from Melbourne , Australia ! I couldn't imagine who had arranged this lovely surprise , but I had my suspicions ! A few days later , my friend Carolyn sent me a message asking if Bob had been in touch - mystery solved ! Carolyn is a big Bob fan too and she had sent him a message on Facebook asking him if he could send me a message . Nobody will ever be able to imagine how happy that card made me - just the boost I needed ! I am eternally grateful to Carolyn for arranging it and eternally grateful to Mark for taking the time out of his schedule to send it.

Me and my hero Mark Trevorrow aka Bob Downe after his performance at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

I have been a fan of Liz Earle skin care products for over ten years now.While I was having chemo , my skin became very dry , especially on my hands and feet . I found her stuff was very useful in preventing any problems . Her shampoo was so gentle , which was a bonus for my thinning hair! She launched a new range of cosmetics and I was lucky enough to be invited along to the launch in Glasgow , shortly after I had chemo- I wasn't going to go because I didn't feel at my best , but was glad I did because I got the chance to meet her and chat about her range . She was so lovely to speak to and seemed genuinely interested .

Me and Liz Earle

Before

After

After my final chemo in mid-June 2012 , it was time to have my PICC line removed . It had been my companion for the past six months and had served me well - no blockages or infections , and hand't migrated too far from its' original place ! The plan was to go back to the hospital on the Friday that my last 5FU infusion was due to complete , and the nurse would remove the line as well as the pump . I was a bit nervous about how this would be done as I knew it was pretty long . I needn't have worried . I went to the hospital at the allotted time and was taken straight away.The nurse removed the infusion line and said she would now remove the PICC . I sat in the chair waiting for something spectacular to happen , but there were no fireworks or shocks ! I never felt it getting removed at all and was surprised when she told me that it was out ! Goodbye old friend.....

Monday 6th February 2012 - Usual clinic for blood tests and chat with doctor to see how I was coping with chemo. I reported that I had experienced severe pain in my fingertips after I took some wet washing out of the machine - the combination of cold and wet is enough to trigger off the neuropathy. I was also noticing the corners of my mouth were getting sore and cracked. I knew it was chemo - related , so was not too worried . The doctor said he would continue with the same dose of chemo and would continue to monitor side effects as the dose could be adjusted if the effects were getting too unbearable for me. I was aware that the side effects were going to get worse as time went on , but there was no point in worrying about it till it happened!.

All the information you need in one handy booklet!

Wednesday 8th February 2012 - Chemo day again - number three of twelve . Chemo patients are given a record book to carry about with them . It contains a record of all treatments given and also has a space for them to record any side effects they have experienced . There is also a list of contact numbers if there are any worries . The only thing I would say about this booklet is that it tends to make you focus too much on your illness and side effects of chemo- Asking all sorts of questions about severity of side effects.I realise that it is a useful tool for people to keep a note for the doctor , but I felt it wasn't right for me. I just wanted to get on with things and not let it rule my life.

Some questions

This is my own personal view , and I am sure a lot of people will disagree.That is fine by me - I won't be offended!
The chemo went off without incident , and I watched my usual comedy DVDs .
 Hooked up to the 5FU again , I went home to watch my new favourite TV show Pointless !

Monday 30th January 2012 - I felt ok , was not having many effects from chemo , so I decided to go and visit my "homies" in dermatology at the Western . You could not get a better bunch of people to work with - I have been in nursing for thirty six years and have worked in a lot of places , so I feel I am able to make that statement ! Claire gave me a lift there as I was not really supposed to travel on public transport in case my immune system was low due to chemo. I went at lunch time so that I was not disturbing any clinics . It was great to see them all again . They had been very attentive since the start of my illness, sending cards , presents , flowers , and texts to keep up to date . I saw a few of the doctors too , and some of the secretaries and receptionists . It is a very well-run department and everyone gets on well - very professional , without being over familiar . I stayed for about an hour then went home . It had been nice to get out but I was feeling tired , although not the terrible fatigue that some chemo patients had described .
I had been reading somewhere about the importance of gentle exercise while receiving chemo and also the part it plays in cancer prevention , so had made a concerted effort to try and go out for a walk every day with Bill and the dog. For the five years before  my illness I took part in Race For Life to raise money for Cancer Research UK . I was inspired by Claire after I had gone along to watch her compete one year. I was surprised to see women of all ages and all shapes and sizes - I thought " I should be doing this !", so I signed up for every year after that . I fully intended to do the 2012 one as well (chemo side effects permitting). I downloaded an app called Endomondo  to my iphone to give me some idea of how I was progressing - hoping to walk a little further every day. I had plenty of time as Race For Life was not till June , near the end of my treatment!
Let battle commence....... I only lasted ten minutes the first night as my feet were quite painful . Still , it was a start....plenty of time ........

Sunday 15th January 2012 - I was feeling ok apart from my tongue being brown and feeling slimy- tasted disgusting as well, but was not painful. Apparently it is a known side effect of chemo , so I would just have to get on with it . Claire had bought me a tongue scraper to try and get some of the rubbish off my tongue and I had been advised to use Soda Bic in warm water as a mouth wash to help . Prevention is always better than cure , so I was willing to try anything to prevent a sore mouth . I was also taking Refreshers - they tasted ok and were fizzy on the tongue .
My PICC line was due to be dressed  as it had been about a week since it was last done. I had had a discussion with my district nurses on a previous occasion about the possibility of my sister doing my dressing , especially as this was an area of expertise for her ! The nurses were quite happy for this to happen as they said some family members are taught how to change dressings . They said they would continue to visit when my chemo pump needed disconnecting .
So Rosie came round in the afternoon and carried out the dressing and flushing of the line . The district nurses had supplied everything that was needed , so there were no problems .
That was me free for one week ! I did not do very much during that week , except watch TV and DVDs and got out in the evening for a gentle walk ( well - wrapped up , of course ) with Bill and Bobo  . I had started watching The Good Wife when I went off sick , and Claire's boyfriend Paul had bought me the boxed set for Christmas - great programme ! I would say the week was uneventful , so i won't bore you with all the details!
Monday 23rd January 2012 - Appointment at clinic to see oncologist . This would be my routine for the next six months - See doc , talk over any problems , get bloods checked and , if all was ok , get chemo on the Wednesday . The good thing about having the PICC line in was that my blood samples could be taken from it , so there was no pain involved. My dressing would also get changed on the Mondays that I attended the clinic . Claire had arranged her shifts so that she was always able to drive me to the clinic - I was a very lucky person !
The doc said he would phone me if my bloods were abnormal , but he didn't really expect that to be the case at this early stage . So , I was all geared up for Wednesday again for round two !
Wednesday 25th January 2012 - Claire gave me a lift in the the Beatson and we were nice and early . Claire just went home as I was going to be there for a good few hours and I don't like people having to wait about for me . I was taken round to the Macmillan day care unit and asked to sit in one of the recliner chairs . The nurse came and went through the usual checks and then hooked me up to a glucose drip until my chemo arrived. The tea lady came round , but I couldn't bring myself to drink it because it was rotten the last time I had it , and my yucky mouth meant everything tasted rotten anyway . One thing she did have , though , was a nice strawberry yogurt . For some reason this was the only thing that I could taste without being disgusted . I remembered a patient telling me that the only thing she could taste was banana flavoured things like yogurts , custard and sweets .

Bob Downe- my hero!

My chemo arrived and I was hooked up and good to go . I had more comedy DVDs to watch - Bob Downe is one of my all time favourites . I just need to look at him and I laugh . I have met him on several occasions and he is always so lovely .      I also had a DVD of Rock Profile , which is just so funny . I also watched more of Gary Tank Commander , and Summer Heights High . Maybe that was my way of rebelling against the big C- "I laugh in your face ! you will never bring me down" ! Anyway , chemo finished without incident and I was attached to the pump again for the next forty eight hours or so . I got all my protective clothes on and went to the car park to get Claire . As it was Burns' Night , it was haggis and neeps for tea - and I managed to eat it ok , although I was not really getting much of a taste .
Same old same old regarding taking the tablets to counteract any nausea , and same old same old regarding the sleepless nights due to the steroids. It didn't really bother me , because I knew that it would not last forever , so I just played my word games and kept up to date with Facebook and Twitter!
Thursday 26th January 2012 - same facial flushing as before - must be a side effect! No worries .

Friday 27th January 2012 - district nurses came in the afternoon to disconnect me again and that was me free for another wee while . I was not really experiencing any great side effects , apart from the horrible mouth - one of the nurses in the Beatson had suggested using a soft toothbrush and brushing my tongue with toothpaste a couple of times a day . This was safer than using a tongue scraper , in case my platelets were low after chemo , although this was not really a common occurrence .
I never had any neuropathy at this stage , but had been told that the effects were cumulative , so it might take a few more treatments for that to kick in . If I was still feeling ok at the start of next week , I was planning to go and visit my colleagues at work ................

Thursday 12th January 2012- I had not really slept at all the previous night. I wasn't worried about anything , I think it was just the effects of the high dose steroids I had been given. The line was not uncomfortable and the bum bag was not annoying me. I did ponder for a while though as I looked at my arm with the PICC line in ..... " I am actually getting chemotherapy at the moment! How did that happen ? This is so surreal !"I eventually got out of bed at 6 am as I was feeling a bit seedy - was it hunger or was it chemo? Who knows!
 Anyway , I wanted to carry on as normal as this "beast" was not going to rule my life- it was just an annoying , uninvited visitor! I decided to have a nice relaxing shower. Having a PICC line can be a problem when you want a shower, as you need to keep the area dry . Never fear -the Beatson nurses had given me a supply of plastic sleeves which you place on your arm to cover the line and bandage while you shower. I proceeded to cover the area and stepped in to the lovely comforting shower. My abdominal wound was healed but I was still having altered sensation to that area - I couldn't feel the Soap and Glory gel as I was smoothing it on - but I knew that that would improve in time.
After my shower I went to get breakfast . I had bought in a supply of Variety packs as I did not really fancy my usual Weetabix or porridge. I took the Coco Pops and was careful when taking the milk out of the fridge, remembering that cold is the enemy of people receiving Oxaliplatin! I put on gloves to get the milk out of the fridge and warmed the milk in the microwave to take the chill off of it.I then took my tablets afterwards -Dexamethasone and Domperidone .
I switched on TV and basically just chilled out! When my family got up later on , Claire noted that my face was bright red . I had felt it a bit warm , but thought that was due to the heat in the house . I was surprised when I looked in the mirror and saw that my face and neck were a florid red colour ! I didn't panic because I knew the side effects of steroids , and i didn't feel ill with it anyway. I wasn't going to phone my doctor every time I had a wee niggle or annoyance.
My day was uneventful as regards side effects , but I had been told that the effects would be cumulative , so I suppose it was early days!
Friday 13th January 2012 - No I am not superstitious! After another wakeful night, same routine as yesterday , but the facial flushing was not a problem today. My pump was still working - I had been told to check it in the morning to see if it was deflating ok , and it seemed to be ! The district nurses were due to arrive to disconnect the pump at 4:30 pm. 4:30 came and went , as did 5pm , 5:30 , and 6pm. I was getting a bit twitchy as the Beatson nurses had said the pump should be disconnected 48 hours after start of infusion. I ended up phoning the district nurse service just to check they had me on their books. The nurse was very pleasant and said that their shift change over was at 4:30 and that the hospital should have said that  it was not imperative that the pump be disconnected after  exactly 48 hours- there was a leeway of a couple of hours.
I will not go in to the politics of the re organisation of district nursing services and how the whole of Glasgow is covered by a health centre which is on the outskirts of Glasgow , and there are fewer nurses to go round - that is for another day!
The district nurse arrived at 6:30 and got to work straight away.This was just a case of removing the infusion pump and flushing the line with sterile saline and capping off the line. because it is a sterile procedure , the nurse washed her hands thoroughly before hand - just saying! Everything that the nurse needed was actually in my house as it had been supplied by the nurses in my own health centre - they had brought a big plastic box with everything in it!
Once the pump was disconnected it was put in a sharps box , supplied by the Beatson , which i would take with me on my next visit in ten days.
The nurse then wrote in my care plan and left - that was me free again!
I still had to take the tablets as the chemo was still in my system and could cause nausea.
The only real effect I noticed from the first chemo was that my tongue felt as if it had a slime on it- disgusting! I was drinking plenty of tea and warm Ribena and warm water , so would need to wait to see how things got on as treatment progressed.
Saturday 14th January 2012 - Another early start after another wakeful night . I had started playing a game called Words With Friends on my iPhone , which was nice because it meant I could hook up with friends and family in America and Australia due to the different time zones- there was always someone online!

Flowers from my work colleagues

Went out to shop with Bill , but was wrapped up like a mummy- no cold air would enter my lungs! Got some lovely bouquets of flowers from my workmates and some friends .Onwards and upwards......

Wednesday 11th January 2012 - Chemo day! Hadn't really slept too well , so was up , showered , and fed quite early . I had to put a plastic sleeve over the PICC line as I showered and thought -"that's me for the next six months , or it might be three !" Claire , Bill and I then made our way in to the hospital - a half hour drive away. Claire dropped us off and went to search for a parking space - a rare sight in a hospital car park! I had taken a few things with me , as I had been warned that the cold would affect me post chemo . So I had a scarf , hat , gloves , and furry boots , with an extra pair of socks - I wasn't taking any chances ! I also took some DVDs with me to watch , as I was told the infusions lasted at least five hours , my Nintendo DS with Puzzler games , and my trusty ipod as well. We reported to reception and sat down. I recognised one of the patients in the waiting area- she was a patient of mine in dermatology and was receiving chemo for breast cancer . She was surprised to see me there , and I was sorry to hear that her cancer had spread to her spine . although she was upbeat about it and was in for more chemo. My appointment was 10 am , and I was taken round about that time . The nurse introduced herself and led me in to a treatment area with six bays with lounger chairs in each bay . I was surprised at how open it was . I wondered about privacy issues , but saw that there were portable screens there if required . There were a couple of patients already hooked up and receiving treatment . They nodded and carried on reading . I was told I could choose where I wanted to sit , so I chose a chair next to a woman who seem quite friendly . I felt a bit lost , not knowing where to put things , but she soon put me right ! She started to tell me that she had been receiving chemo on and off for seven years ! Then she proceeded to tell me her life story , even although I never asked . I understand that some people need to unburden themselves , but at least let me get my coat off first ! The policy of the hospital was that , if it was your first treatment , your family could sit with you . I didn't really like the idea of my husband and daughter sitting beside me for five hours while I was getting pumped full of poison , so I gave them permission to go for a walk or do some shopping ! Rosie , who was working in the adjoining unit , brought me round a portable DVD player , so I was good to go !
All the nurses were lovely and very busy ! One nurse came over and said she would do my PICC dressing and then start an infusion of glucose , as my chemo was not in the department yet . My doctor came in and told me I would be getting the six months of chemo rather than the three months - I kind of expected that !
I put one of my DVDs in to watch , and used my earphones from my iPod- didn't want to disturb anyone ! All the DVDs I had brought were comedies . Well , they say laughter is the best medicine , and it boosts the immune system - just what I needed .

My first chemo-Alaris pump at the back

DVD player just sat on my bedside table

My chemo had arrived in the unit , so two nurses came over to check details with me , then it was started off - the steroid and anti sickness infusion first . The tubes were fed through an Alaris pump , which counts the drips and basically tells you if there is air in the line and the volume infused and the volume remaining. I thought to myself - " Is this it? I never felt anything at all ". Because the PICC line was in place , and there was no restriction in arm movement , I could just carry on as normal watching my DVD and playing with my Nintendo .
The tea trolley came round and I took a cup , but it was rotten ! "Need to remember to bring my Scottish Blend with me next time" !
The alarm in the pump started to bleep as the first lot of infusion was complete- now for the big boys ! The two nurses again asked for my details and checked that they tallied with the information on the chemo bag and prescription  sheet . The Oxaliplatin was then started off . I was advised I could get up and wander about at any time , especially as I would probably need the toilet after all this fluid ! I actually felt fine during the infusion and enjoyed watching my DVD of "Gary Tank Commander"- makes me laugh every time. Claire had bought me a DVD called "Summer Heights High", an Australian "mockumentary" - very funny!
After a few hours  , the Oxaliplatin was nearly finished , so the nurse said I would get a bolus infusion of 5FU and then get fitted with a pump of 5FU which would remain in place for forty eight hours and would be removed by the district nurses. Oxaliplatin finished , line flushed , then same questions again - got to be done - then the 5FU infusion was connected up to run over ten minutes .

The dinky wee 5FU pump-it collapses as it infuses

Ten minutes later , after the same questions , the wee , dinky 5FU pump was attached to the PICC line and I was given a bum bag to carry the pump about in .
I must say that I never felt uncomfortable , either physically or emotionally , at all the whole time I was in. The staff were excellent and efficient . I had expected to be vomiting all over the place , but I never even felt nauseated . I was given a three day supply of Domperidone tablets  , and Dexamethasone  tablets to counteract the nausea . The nurse said she would arrange district nurses to come and disconnect the line on Friday afternoon .
I was given a booklet to chart my chemo administration and take note of any side effects or after effects. I then got all my protective layers on and wrapped the scarf around my mouth- I wasn't taking any chances - Oxaliplatin can give you a feeling of shortness of breath if you breathe in cool air , and can be quite frightening .
Next stop , home !!